A Virtual Book Review Network Interview with Myles Reed

Lauren Smith: You spent six years online; what were the biggest mistakes that you made when you first went online searching for love?

Fishing for Love on the Net

Myles Reed, Jr.: Well, I believe that as long as someone is dating online they will be in a position of learning something new. I learned all throughout my more than six years online. Some things were small in scope and others were more foundational. I speak about many of them in Fishing for Love on the Net. However, I would say by far, the biggest disservice I did to myself during my online dating process was me not knowing completely what I wanted in a mate and not staying committed to that criteria. This resulted in me spending time with women who were not good matches for me and making compromises that ultimately never yielded the benefits that I was expecting. This is why I recommend that before someone gets started with the online dating experience that they establish 3 to 5 ‘non-negotiable’ criteria that they must have in a mate. Additionally, develop list of 7 to 10 criteria that is important in a mate but there is room to compromise. Doing this will go a long way that I understand how separate the wheat from the chaff.

Lauren Smith: What surprised you most about online dating?

Myles Reed, Jr.: I was surprised that there was really a different culture to the online world. It seems similar to the offline world. There are people involved in the offline world and there are people involved with the online world. It would be very reasonable to assume that the process of interacting with people is fairly similar. However, the reality is that people behave materially different online. Additionally, the technology impacts people’s experience in a way that cannot be found offline. I discovered this over my time online and capture these subtleties in Fishing for Love on the Net.

Lauren Smith: What do you as the top three advantages to fishing for love online – versus offline?

Myles Reed, Jr.: There are some really meaningful advantages that come with dating online. 1) Dating online is very convenient, particularly for people who want to make the most of how they allocate their time. 2) People who date online also are exposed to a tremendous number of potential mates. This condition significantly increases the chances of finding love. 3) Lastly, online daters have access to an unprecedented amount of information about potential mates. They are able to effectively ‘pre-screen’ a prospect before they decide to initiate contact.

Lauren Smith: What about diversity online? In the real world, people can have tendency to self-segregate – by race, by age, by religion… is it the same online? Why or why not?

Myles Reed, Jr.: This is one thing that I love about dating online. It is a tremendous barrier remover. The notion of physical segregation doesn’t exist online. Everyone has equal access to everyone. It is quite egalitarian. You have freedom of choice. Now it is important to have a proper understanding about the ‘tool’ of Internet dating. It can only facilitate your ability to choose in the process of finding love. It cannot influence the hearts of the people who are participating in the process. If people prefer one race, religion or social economic group over another, Internet dating won’t affect this in large part. What I have found is that Internet dating delivers an environment of freedom and people are more courageous to liberally exercising that freedom of choice, which may reach beyond some of the offline dynamics of people groupings.

Lauren Smith: What are the top three tips for people who want to search for love on the Net?

Myles Reed, Jr.: My advice is very straightforward. 1) People must know what it is they are looking for and where to look for it. 2) People must have a method to navigate the tremendous volume of people that they will encounter. 3) They should Court the person that they want to know instead of traditionally date. I cover all three of these aspects in a bit more detail in Fishing for Love on the Net.

Lauren Smith: You met your wife online: I have to ask, at what stage of your online courtship did you think she was ‘the one’?

Myles Reed, Jr: After more than 4 months of active courting, I knew that she would be the woman that I ask to be my wife. From the outset, my then girlfriend and soon-to-be wife, decided with me that we would give courting a good effort and see how things would shake out. Fortunately for both of us, we were of the same mind-set and intention and things worked out wonderfully.

Lauren Smith: What surprise you the most about the process of writing a book?

Myles Reed, Jr.: In hindsight, I was surprised at how doable it is. I never had a longing to be an author. I have been a corporate professional all of my career. I just decided that I had a point of view that I wanted to express in a book and then committed to the process of creating it. I have had a chance to speak to many people about the fact that I wrote a book and many of them have similar desires. The only thing that is usually keeping people for achieving this personal goal is deciding to do it and staying discipline to bring it to completion.

Lauren Smith: Is there anything we haven’t covered that you would like to include?

Myles Reed, Jr.: I believe the Internet dating is a wonderful and relatively new avenue for people to establish a meaningful relationship. There are millions of people across the globe who are utilizing this new mechanism to meet people. For people who desire love, it can be theirs as well. Most people just need a little guidance, a little ‘know-how’, in order to position themselves to be most effective. This is why I wrote Fishing for Love on the Net. It is a story about love and how someone finds it online. Don’t let loneliness and singleness be your final destination if you desire otherwise. Read Fishing for Love on the Net, it will better equip you to find love, as you look for it online.

Lauren Smith: Thank you for taking the time to be part of this interview!

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Last Updated on Monday, 14 April 2008 20:21